Remember, Remember the Fourth of November
Haterade is a newsletter, a beverage, and now an event!
If you’ve been subscribing to this newsletter for long, you already know my feelings on Malört, which range from sweetly affectionate to fiercely protective. I love this Difficult Liqueur much in the way I would love a three-legged shelter dog named something like “Chompo Marx” or “Hungus.”
So let me spread the GOOD NEWS: I’m co-producing and judging The Malört Mêlée, a three-round Malört cocktail competition at Minibar on Thursday, November 4 at 7 PM (doors at 6:30) and you can buy tickets NOW by smashing the appealing purple button below:
Tickets are $20 until next Sunday, October 24, at which point they will skyrocket to $25. Either way, I think this is a pretty good deal because:
You’ll get to sample six “signature” Malört cocktails developed by the competing bartenders and also get a ticket you can exchange for a full size version of your favorite. Those tickets will act as votes and help determine the winner of the first round. AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION! (Other, less wormwood-y drinks can be procured at the bar as well...but why?)
Black Stacey, a local soul/rock trio, are going to perform at the event, and they’re dope.
Proceeds from ticket sales will be donated to the Metropolitan Organization to Counter Sexual Assault (MOCSA), a KC-based org that has been a lifeline for too many of my friends.
It would make my enlarged elephant heart swell dangerously if we could pack Minibar with Malört lovers (or tolerators) and cut MOCSA a big check. I did not design the event logo, but it exudes a sort of maximalist Metallica energy that I can only hope to embody in my own life.
Not-so-fine print
The event is 21+ and you have to show proof of vaccination (or a negative COVID-19 test taken within the last 48 hours) to enter. These are the rules of Minibar, but also of a functioning society in which we can poison our livers and tastebuds in (relative) safety.
I’m not making any money off of this event, but I may have a small table with (extremely) limited edition Haterade merch. I hope you’ll come out and say hi! I’m even more off-putting in person.
Here’s that ticket link again:
And if you somehow missed my löve letter to Malört back in June, you can catch up here:
*Fitzwilliam Darcy voice* My affections and wishes have not changed.
Bartender alert!
If you would like to compete, the Mêlée is accepting applications for another week! The prize is worth the hassle, I think: the competition winner will bag airfare for two to Chicago, a two-night hotel stay, and a tour of CH Distillery so you can see where the Malört is made.
Details on how to enter are available here, courtesy of event co-producer RyMil Productions.
Also: I’m not the only judge at the event, so you don’t have to bribe me. The other two judges will be Jay Sanders (of Drastic Measures) and Steve Pine (of CH Distillery), and they know much more than me about cocktails in general and Malört in particular.
If you would like to support more niche beverage events, buy a ticket or share the link with a friend who might be interested! And if you’re not already a Haterade subscriber—how did you get in here?—you can become one for the unbeatable price of free at the link below.